I’ve been very hard on myself as painting is concerned. I’m listening to those thoughts in my head that tell me I’m not good enough. I see paintings by masters who are still alive (for some reason, I think that the late masters’ levels of painting are unattainable… maybe because they had complete focus to produce their art, and we have cell phones, internet and tv to muddy our concentration?), and compare my talent to theirs. Apples to oranges – not quite fair.
Case in point: I recently finished a painting for a local competition with the final drop-off time only 3 hours away. I sat there for 1 FULL HOUR arguing with myself, “Who am I fooling to think I am good enough to enter a painting for this contest, in an art town like this?” I finally told myself to Shut Up, and I DID enter my (very wet) oil painting. Finishing the whole goal gave me the biggest boost to my confidence I’ve had in a long time. I completely forgot about the actual contest-part of the whole deal till yesterday, when I was relating my insecure moments to my friend. Where do we learn to berate ourselves so badly???
|So proud of myself I clicked a pic of my painting on the way to the drop-off.|
It is so much easier on our mind to choose a path that doesn’t hurt, that doesn’t make you stretch, something that is safe and comfortable. And here in lies a funny twist: Stepping outside your comfort zone doesn’t mean stepping outside your values or your core beliefs. (It took me awhile to get this… and honestly it took me awhile to figure out what my values and beliefs were.) If something doesn’t feel right and you’re making the decision to gain someone else’s approval, it’s probably going against your personal belief system (I should add that this is a *note to self*).
I’ve made bad decisions in life, career, relationships, etc – all to impress someone else. Mistakes have been made, lessons have been learned, and now I wear yoga pants everyday because they’re comfy and I’m tired of dressing in jeans to run around town when I know I’m going to come home and change anyway. Who am I out to impress? I’ve got a kid to play with, a house to clean, a lawn to mow, a canvas to paint, and a bike to ride.
On a DIY note, I saw this cami yesterday at American Eagle with a rectangular doily/hanky whipstitched to the front – we laughed because it looked like a cami with a doily on the front... but SERIOUSLY – I just passed up a dozen of precious doilies at the thrift store. I want to go back and pick them up. My eyes are now open to the possibilities to a doily...